Anxiety

Today I had a haircut and didn't think about what the hairdresser would say about my hair. 

I never really noticed how anxiety took over my life and thought everyone suffered the same extent. 

Wasn't it normal to feel a lil scared walking into a room full of strangers? or feeling sick at the thought of the hair dresser commenting how dry my hair was (when I know it was a sales gimmick?!?!) or when someone makes judgemental statements about me and my first reaction is to burst out and deny it.

Lastly, why do I punish myself for the most microscopic mistakes? 

As much as I want to deny it.

I am a creation of the very society I scoff at. 

The first reaction was to run. Run away from all of this and start a new life. Clear all traces of my life and be a different version of me but deep down inside. 

it will always haunt me and I won't let that happen

It's been months since I've had an major anxiety attack. I'm slowly starting to treat myself a lot better. Learning not to give a fuck and not giving in to people all the time

To put myself first.

In simpler terms, to be more selfish because in the end I'm the one living with the decisions.

Giving in to people maybe the most selfless thing to do but where does that put me? 

It's all about the balance and I'm working on it.